You use the tool for removing mental blocks nearly every time you speak. “AND” is a small word in the English language, yet it is one of the most powerful. It sits there innocently looking like a regular conjunction that eases us away from sentences that read like lists. However, the word is not just a convenient grammatical ally; it is a tool for a profound psychological shift that makes us more productive and improves our ability to change direction as well as find fresh, creative answers. It is inclusive and creates diversity of thought, and it is so much more than a feel-good tool. It is the bridge to answers. It removes barriers and allows for expanded thought.
The Block
Many of us are aware of the term “toxic positivity.” Toxic positivity is when we try to focus only on the ideas, feelings, or patterns that we believe to be good. Good in this sense vilifies anything that is not traceable to a happy, presentable, movie-worthy outcome. In reality, it is laced with judgment and repression. The repression is the worst of it because it is impossible to have every moment be a Hallmark movie ending. Any kind of repression fosters the growth of whatever is being withheld. Resentment and anger are markers of repression. You know the feeling — you feel nauseous and want to slap someone because you just can’t handle one more saccharin second. For example, if you find yourself saying on Christmas Eve that “Everyone better be holly and jolly by the time I get back because I’ve killed myself to create a magical night” (which I definitely did not say), you have been fostering toxic positivity.
Repression can happen to any situation or feeling. Even happiness can be repressed. Some people are scared of being happy for fear it will be taken away. Feelings of joy, success, or peace are quickly brushed aside because there is tremendous anxiety about its lack of permanence. It is quickly dispelled while waiting for the other shoe to drop. This foreboding joy is another flavor of repression, with the same results.
AND is the Cure
By using the word “and,” we shift into a new state of thinking. We get to hold that two ideas, feelings, or answers can exist at the same time. We unlock the binary thinking that we, our feelings, or a situation has to be either this or that. A paradox of truth emerges. I can be happy to have a new job and sad that the old one has ended. I can rejoice that my loved one is no longer in pain and grieve their physical passing in my life. I can be furious about my teen’s dumb choice and relieved that he is safe now. I can be disillusioned about the state of the world and hopeful in a rising generation of fresh thinkers.
“And” allows us to release the resistance that would otherwise block a shift in thought. It moves us into reality-based decision-making. It is an acknowledgment of the current state and a redirection to where answers, coexisting truth, or another path may lead. I like to remind leaders that if we don’t first accept the bad news of a changing marketplace, we will not find the fresh answers to fully capitalize on the new opportunities. Believing in our alchemical ability does not mean we didn’t start with a load of crap before we turned it into gold. “And” allows us to broaden the highway to solutions. “And” allows us to have a holistic human experience that is inclusive of our complexity and holds space for the truth that life is a journey filled with winding roads, valleys, and mountains.
“And” brings presence to the entirety of the experience, which is exactly where clear vision empowers us to see the next step ahead.
